


Discovery

by Hannah_ruth_990



Series: The Choice [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternative Universe - Canon Divergent, Comforting Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Castiel, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, POV Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5973460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannah_ruth_990/pseuds/Hannah_ruth_990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After bringing Sam's body back to the bunker, Dean discovers a letter addressed to him from his little brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3!  
> Hope you guys like it!!  
> Don't be afraid to leave kudos and comments :P

 

They bring Sam’s body back to the bunker, and gently place him on his bed. Cas gives Deans shoulder a firm squeeze, then silently leaves the room.

Dean wants him to stay, wants to encase himself in his comforting touch, but he knows Cas is simply giving him space to say goodbye to his brother.

And boy does that thought hurt.

The tears being to fall once again as he drops to the floor by Sam’s bed. He can't bring himself to look at his face. His little brother is _dead_ , once again, because of _him_. Even though he knows it was Sams’ choice, his own decision, he can't help but blame himself. If he had never gotten that _stupid fucking **mark**_ , then none of this would have happened. Sure Abaddon would be alive, but they would've dealt with her another way. God why did he always have to rush into things head first without thinking of the damn _consequences_!!!

He gets to his feet and begins to pace, fists firmly clenched, nails digging into his palms. He lets his eyes wander around the room, looking everywhere but at the bed. He just can't look there yet. 

His eyes land on the desk, and he moves over towards it, taking a seat. He runs his hand over the laptop sitting neatly in the centre. Heh damn moose loved this thing, always researching and doing _nerd_ things on it. The corner of his mouth twitches up into a small smile. It's quickly wiped away when he remembers why he's in his brother’s room. His brother is _dead_. 

Dean rubs his hands down his face, and then reaches out for a book that is sitting near the laptop. It's a book on sigils, and Dean painfully realises it's one of Bobby's. The realisation knocks the breath from his lungs as another wave of sorrow shoots through him. His breathing quickens and he knows he’s on the verge of a _major_ fucking panic attack.

He gets to his feet and makes his way over to the small sink in the room, turning the tap on and splashing his face with the cool water. He closes his eyes and counts to 10, focusing on getting his breaths under control. When he opens his eyes, they catch sight of an envelope with his name on it poking out from behind the mirror. The envelope is not positioned like it was meant to be hidden, quite the opposite really. It looks like it was _deliberately_ placed there so that it would easily catch ones eye when looking into the mirror.

Gingerly, he reaches out and takes it, carefully sliding it out of its resting place. It's Sammy's handwriting. His stomach clenches. What's inside the envelope? Logically he thinks a letter, but what _kind_ of letter? Oh god what if his brother was planning on leaving him and starting a new life, a life _away_ from annoying older brothers and supernatural monsters. 

Dean feels the pinpricks of tears once again and he just can't be in here right now.

He shoots out of the room, letter still in hand, in search of Cas. He needs to be close to him right now, he needs to know that _someone_ is still here with him, that he's not _alone_.

He bursts into the library where Cas is sitting quietly at a table, hands in his lap and a far off look on his face. He turns to Dean, as soon as he enters the room.

"Dean ..." Cas takes in his tear soaked face, and heaving chest. "Dean are you alright?"

The hunter nods, and then shakes his head. He’s not alright; he’s so fucking _far_ from alright right now. His feet move and he slowly makes his way towards Cas, flopping down in the seat beside him, burying his head in his hands when he finally reaches his desired destination.

They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing what exactly to say to the other, until Dean clears his throat.

"I uh  ... I found this in Sammy's room"

He holds up the letter that was still firmly clasped in his hand.

Castiel tilts his head and squints at it, as if with enough willpower, he can figure out its contents. The action brings a small smile to Dean’s face, along with an all too familiar warmth that spreads across his chest.

“A letter?”

Dean nods in reply.

“From Sam?”

Another nod.

“Have you read it yet?”

Dean swallows hard, shakes his head then lets it fall into his hands again.

“uh … I … I’m _scared_ about what it could say”

He knows he should just man up and open the damn letter. But he just can’t bring himself to, because what if the last words he _ever_ reads from his brother, are that he didn’t want to be around him anymore. That he was _done_ with hunting, with _him_.

That, he knows, is something he would _never_ recover from.

Castiel places a comforting hand on his knee, a hand that Dean just realises is now human, just like the man it’s attached to. _Shit._ Cas is _human_ now. Guilt begins to wash over him. It’s because of Dean that his best friend is now cursed to a mortal life. And this time it’s permanent. This time his grace is gone for _good_. Gone because Dean made a _stupid_ mistake and accepted a mark that he knew next to _nothing_ about. Gone because Castiel is so fucking _selfless_ , that he tore it out and used it to save the world alongside his brother.

“Cas. Cas man I’m so fucking sorry”

The ex-angels’ forehead crinkles in confusion, “Why?”

Dean looks up at him, locking their eyes together and staring in disbelief.

“Why? Cas … Cas you’re fucking human because of me! Your grace is gone!” He’s on his feet now, pacing around the library, voice growing louder, “Do you get that? It’s gone! It’s not coming back and now you’re stuck as a human until you die!” Dean stops his pacing, quickly turning to face Castiel, who is staring wide eyed at the hunter, “ _Shit_! Cas - fuck, you’re _human_ now. You can get hurt man … you can _die_. I can’t – _I can’t lose you too_.” The last part of his sentence is spoken so quietly and broken, he doesn’t even know if Cas hears it. He turns away from piercing blue eyes and closes his own, feeling tears cascade down his face for what feels like the hundredth time today.

 “ _Dean …_ ”

He can tell by Castiel’s voice alone, that he did hear him, and that maybe he knows _exactly_ what Dean means by it. He feels a gentle, comforting and familiar hand on his shoulder.

“Dean look at me, please”

He turns, Cas’ hand falling from his shoulder, and he instantly misses the weight of it, the warmth, the comfort. Blue eyes are locked on him, and even though he’s no longer an angel, he still feels like Cas is looking into his soul. And what makes his breath catch in his throat, is that despite everything that’s just happened, Cas is looking at him like he sees his soul, and is utterly amazed and captivated by it.

“Dean, I don’t care that I’m human. I’ve been human before and I think I’ll be okay.” He pauses and then scoffs out a small laugh, “And there are no angels threating you or ... or your brother,” a wave of sadness rolls across his face, “so there’s no need for me to be kicked out of the bunker.” Panic suddenly flashes through his eyes, “Unless, of course, you don’t – don’t want me here …” He lets his sentence hang open in the air.

Dean is quick to jump in and ease his friends’ worries.

“No! I mean yes! Yes I want you here! Cas you’re family, and this is your home too, as long as you want it to be”

Castiel’s’ face visibly relaxes. “Good.”

The air is filled with a very familiar tension, of words left unsaid, of feelings and desires never explored. Dean feels like he is drowning. There are so many emotions running through his head right now, and he doesn’t know what to do with them. He feels them crashing against the walls he built up around his heart, walls that Cas has slowly been breaking down throughout the years. He feels the pain of losing his brother wash over him again. A sob involuntarily leaves his mouth. He’s tired of crying, he really is. The saltiness has left his mouth dry and he honestly doesn’t know how he still has tears to shed.

“What if he was _leaving_ Cas. What if he didn’t want to be _here_ anymore?”

_What if he didn’t want to be here with **me** anymore?_

Castiel reaches out to him and cups his neck, slowly stroking his jaw. Such a small gesture is so fucking _scary_ and _comforting_ all at once that Dean can’t help the shudder that racks his body.

“Dean, I don’t know what information that letter holds, but I _do_ know that you’re not going to know unless you open it.” He moves his hand from Dean’s neck to his chin, easing his head so their eyes meet. “And I did know Sam. I know that he had made peace with his life, and accepted that this,” he gestures with both hands to the bunker around them, “this was what it consisted of. He was proud to be a legacy of the Men of Letters, and there was nowhere he’d rather be, than right here with you.” He reaches out to Dean’s hand, where the letter is still grasped, and squeezes, “It’s okay to be afraid Dean, but these are most likely Sams’ last words to you, and I think you should read them.”

Dean is trembling. Cas is right. Whatever is written in the letter, are Sams final words to him, and he owes it to his little brother to read them. He swallows down the lump in his throat.

“Can you – can you stay with me while I read it?”

Castiel gives him a shy rare smile, “Of course Dean”

They make their way towards Dean’s room, Cas having suggested that the familiar surroundings may help ease his nerves. He opens the door and walks in, his best friend not far behind him. They don’t bother closing the door, because what’s the point? It’s not like anyone else is in the bunker. It’s just them.

They settle against the headboard, Dean sitting a little closer to Cas than he normally would. He needs to feel his angel beside him right now. Even though Cas is a human again now, he will always be Deans angel. But now is not the time to dwell on _that._ No, now it’s time for _Sammy_.

He glances over at Cas and reaches out for his hand, twining their fingers together. Cas squeezes his hand and nods. Dean lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and reluctantly releases Castiel’s hand.

_This is it._

He carefully pulls out the letter from its envelope and unfolds it. His chest tightens at the sight of his little brothers’ handwriting.

_This is it._

Taking a deep breath, he begins to read.

_Dean,_

 


End file.
